ALONE--- in this CROWDED World

By : Nylazzir

January 2014

In this spectral thing

that we call earth

There is a struggle

one must take

A chance to have

that little space

One lucid hint

that we exist

Too big a place

this world may seem

But why do some

Holds no claim?

This world now crowded

here and there

Why does it feel

so cold in here?

Is this how it is

to be an outcast?

Waggling soberly

in a place so cramped

Such an irony

alone in a crowd

My pounding heart

creates no sound

That not a single person

out of the billions

Ever have noticed

ME- ALONE

in this CROWDED world.

Same Shit , Different Day!

Shit happens and we all deal with having to desparately wipe it off of us one way or another. Futile, our effort is however, as it's stink has already seeped through the fiber of our being making it impossible to ignore. From annoyance to anger, to exasperation, it goes as much as hatred. And with all our pent up emotions... a muffled arggggh!! is all we could muster.

Been a while

I jsut realized that I 've been  neglecting this space and penning less thoughts here...
From now on, I'd make sure to pen all my thoughts down here.. to write just about anything. what I'm doing and what I'm not doing.

point of saturation.

I am alright... and well almost. I thought it could have been a start of something beautiful, of something happy. But if so, then what?, few of the may questions  I could have had answered on my own, but are opposed by that bitter truth that that's -all -there -is- in-it. And I think I just got to the point of saturation. I'm really, really tired of the way things have been going. That's it. I'm done. I am fed up.

Bucketlist (..continued)..

Open myself up to love:
It's long over due actually.. 'been putting it off for sometime because of priority issues.  but now I found myslef in a rush trying not  to let another chance to slip by..

Do a lot of writing :
I wish I could write more...just about anything.  Write about what I hate, what I love, or anything of my interest. This is actually associated with my plans to take up crash course in creative writing.

Spend more money on myself without feeling guilty :
I am the kind who as much as possible would not spend much on wardrobe, cosmetics and other vanity kit. And more often  than  not, I'd have to deal with shopping guilt..after the shopping spree. Now I I think about it, it's not a mortal sin to enjoy spending some amount that I've work hard for, afterall I've never failed providing for my family for years. I also need pampering, and there's no one else who'll do it for me but myself..

..re-direct if needed

 I got so caught up with a handicap that paralyzes me from accomplishing anything in my life-- if only I could  break the barriers of disbeliefs and negativities I've placed upon  myself . ... I think I need to spend some time reflecting on what I really want out of a career, out of life and moving forward from there.

..it's not too late to learn something stupid!

Now that I think about it, it seems like I've been getting a lot of reminder these days. I am 26 years old and in a few more days, I'll be another year older but I barely accomplished anything in my life. Insecurities holding me back from living out of the box I stagnate in. Only a few from my bucketlist have I attained., a lot more to go.
Boredom getting on me that I am considering that nagging thought of doing something stupid--for once in my life. I remember the pasage I've read somewhere, "you're not too old to learn something stupid."  I've been used to living my life my way-- monotonous and boring!. that   I have the tendency of crawling back to my shell whenever something is getting so out of my league. And I question myself, have I really lived my life to the fullest, or I just let it slip by.