The Other Side of Life

THE OTHER SIDE OF LIFE

By: NYLAZZIR

" Men are born equal" a-centuries-old cliché excerpt from the sad layered stories of life which over decades I was made to believe in. It was instilled in my young mind that everyone’s born naked, every child lays on the same hard deck, lives in the same sullen nipa house, wears the same worn out clothes, and plays with the same hand-me-down toys -- I used to have as a child. I have been stereotypically living my life I didn’t realize I was never introduced to the other side of life. A life outside mine.

Smudged pictures of my childhood always bring tears in my eyes whenever I reminisce them. Biggest picture of it is "Becky" she was the greatest friend I’ve ever had. She was there whenever I feel lonely. Whenever my mother would go somewhere for a living and I’m left alone with my aged lolo and lola at home, she was there to accompany me; whenever I felt like crying, when I feel unloved she was there to cheer me up. But she too left me, I felt betrayed I feel like cursing life for being so unfair to me. She was gone and it pains me to think I would never get to see her again. And it’s all because of that catastrophe that had elapsed our little town, a super typhoon that had caused immense destruction on our lives. It had gotten the only belonging we had that left us with nothing to start with, left me with nothing - but pain of loss.

( Becky, by the way was the only doll I had, it was a rag doll, handmade by my mother for me.)

It was fate’s first blow of cruelty and I then promised I would not let fate take control of my life, never again. Uh-oh, one of that old antics again, do I seriously think a child like me could twist fate? neither do I possess extraordinary powers to prevent it? Oh maybe, just maybe, when I grow up I could make a difference.

Not what I thought though;

Six long years I spent in my elementary grade was definitely not a piece of cake as life never failed to make my life miserable, giving me a fair share of hell.

Imagine how my heart would twist with pain and humiliation from the world’s prejudice. The ordeal of having to bear walking some distance from my home to school, four times in a day. Luckily though, I had a pair of rubber slippers that merely covered my stressed feet from the prickling heat of the rough road. The strain of thinking what to wear for school when one of my two pairs of school uniform, was not dried up. How I tried to hide myself behind our school desk when my classmates would tease me whenever I sell "bibingka" at school. The melancholy of having to eat alone in the corner since no one would want to share my "baon"- I didn’t care much though, I love "sardines with egg" anyway. How class recitation became an appalling school activity for me knowing that when I am called to recite, my classmates would look at me and they would only see the soiled clothes I wore, not even hearing what I got to say.

Another chapter opens to the course parallel to one that ends on my elementary graduation. A new chapter that is a totally different one. I had to live far from my family and live with all other kids that were stranger to me.

It was a wailing sound of a train one morning that signalled the new life I was about to explore. True enough, it was a totally different one. Something undefinable crossed my mind at the sound of that train, waking me from a seemingly deep sleep. A white room adorned with a crucifix on the center came into the picture as I opened my eyes. Uncertain, I look around, finding faces of some strangers, but what shock the hell out of me was the look they all had that mirrored my own, a look of bewilderment.Out of nowhere, a bell rang and we were asked to get down the deck, kneel down the dining hall then pray that "so familiar morning prayer". A short moment after, we we’re ushered to the long dining table, that looked like the one in the last supper. Served with a piece of bread and a glass of milk-- that started the roller coaster ride of my life in what seemed to be an artificial world.

Along with the other girls, I was given the basic needs, from the personal things down to the school necessities. And they all bore that number code that had become my identification till the end of the 4 years.

The first nights were the most difficult moments for me. I wanted to shout from extreme loneliness, of feeling all alone. Not long after, I got to know my roommates and some classmates and formed a bond with them, a bond that was more than a friendship but more of a sisterhood. That gave me a taste of heaven, for it was only then, that I experienced total parity, why else not, if we looked and wore the same. But some goods things are not really meant to last.
"Four years" was over, I need to go out to the real world again. I had no choice but to leave my comfort zone and start living – I mean really live my life all over again.

After my graduation from high school, I got no plans then, entering college was never my priority, not because I didn’t like to but because I knew that we didn’t have resources. But when my elder sister learned that our school was offering college scholarship, she literally pushed me into giving a try. How many exchanges of words did we have before she finally convinced me to take the exam. At first I hated the idea because for me that was just wasting both our time and effort. There will be more than a hundred students who would be taking the exam and there were only few slots to be filled in and getting a chance was a remote possibility. Another of my pessimism! But she was the first one to believe I could make it when I forgot to do it for myself. I felt elated when I got the 6th slot and I was thankful I listened to her, had I not, I would not know what would have happened to me.

So here I was, like a child lost in the huge world, tried to live the fast-paced life in Manila. I had nothing but my high school diploma, certification letter for my scholarship grant, and some amount of money my family could afford for my allowance.

A small bare room near my school had become my shield along with the other scholarship grantees. A rectangular space with linoleum as the flooring and wooden walls that barely protected as from the chaotic neighborhood. But this didn’t hinder me to continue what I started; I’ve survived hell, why not limbo.

Having the opportunity to study in a quite well-known private school was mutually propitious and formidable for my kind. I could not name my feeling on my first day at the university. I felt like a fish taken out of the water. That is definitely not my world, but I had no choice but to try to fit in.

Do you know how it felt to be scrutinized by the university security guards when entering the school premises not in uniform? How about to try to reason to your strict professor, why you don’t have the textbook needed for the day’s activity and tried bargaining with him that the photocopy will do. And when you go home after the stressful day at school, you console yourself with a piece of banana cue and ice water a few coins from the last penny in your pocket can afford. These were just some of the questions I learned to answer on my own.
And there were some instances which you found humor in, some moments that gives you a good laugh whenever you reminisce them. Like trying to convince your peers that you’re full when the group has decided to eat out, but when you almost persuaded them, came the grumbling sound of your stomach.

But all these toils paid off. "There’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow", so they say. After 4 strenuous years, I received the best gift ever, my college diploma! Alas! I could not help exclaiming with joy. Celebration, was short lived though, just like everything else. I was faced with bigger responsibility, the challenge of the corporate world I was about to permeate. Still, many foes, just more decent and dressed in over-alls.

Days gone by, I was living my life in a constant haste. I had always been acting in a way I am expected to. Then I realized I had been a trying hard adult all along. Worst, it had been too late to realize I denied myself the chance of a happy childhood, not because of circumstances but because of my own preference.

So you see, nobody is responsible for my unhappy experience, I chose to live with it. Maybe because I was always on guard I never tried to loosen up a bit. I always tried to lay all my cards to outwit fate, never did I realize, fate had been playing with the ace up his sleeve, his trademark style I never learnt to associate with.