No Rarity

No Rarity

-Nylazzir-

I am no rarity. My story is no different from those of the lucky few who dedicated most of their time supporting their family. Technically, I am single, no kids , not married -never been. But I’ve lived a decade of my life carrying the same responsibility - partially at least.

I was thirteen, barely gotten past my childhood, when I started living independently. Due to our impoverished life, I was compelled to live apart from my family as I take advantage of free education offered to poor deserving kids. Within that four years, life has unfold harsh realities while I was unhurriedly living my adolescent years. Successively, I tried my luck again taking an entrance exam, and this time for a college scholarship. So to say, lady luck seemed to have been smiling at me then. I passed the exam and that means another 4 years of privilege. But it was not an easy one, believe me. I chose BS Mathematics from the short list of science courses being offered. It’s not something of my interest, not even close, but it was okay. Succinctly, I was able to finish the course and obtain a college diploma. Alas! I was ready to conquer the world, unfortunately, it was a small world with narrow streets.

For a starter, I land a good job with a salary just enough to send money home and pay my bills. It was like, I was working a day for a day’s expenses. Break even and deficit, more often, the latter. My younger sister’s tuition fee here, my family’s daily expenses there and unpaid bills everywhere, as against my meager income, how was I suppose to make ends meet? No, don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining. I am simply assessing my situation for I am happy to be of help. Quoting one passage I’ve read somewhere that goes " When you are successful (if I am considered one), always remember that some time, somehow, someone gave you a lift that started it all. And that you are indebted to help other people the way you were helped." And in my case it was my family who made a gentle push, that started it all.

Taking Chances..Jumping off the edge..

Taking Chances..Jumping off the edge.. What do you say?

-Nylazzir-

　

"But what do you say to takin' chances? What do you say to jumpin' off the edge? Never knowin' if there's solid ground below Or a hand to hold or hell to pay, What do you say? What do you say? "

Just like the lyrics of that famous song, there comes a time when life pushes us to the edge of a cliff in which nothing is at stake but our future. Buying more time, we reduce our pace while making a mental note of it’s pros and cons. You stay put : you live, that is certain, but is that what you really wanted? would that make you happy? Jump off: would there be a solid ground to catch you? Would there be something to hold on to or would there be someone to catch your fall. Or would you end up losing everything you got? Often a time, we settle to whatever we have, in fear of taking the risk of crossing an unsteady bridge to get to the other side no matter how much we wanted it. A loser? Well, maybe, and admittedly I am one of them. Yes, I’ve been living my 26 years obsessing over my limitations. Settling to "so-so’s " in life, nurturing the pessimism I subscribed to that up until now there are still a lot of what if’s in my mind. When do I jump off the edge?..Honestly, I don’t know.

   NOSTALGIA

   -Nylazzir-

          

            It’s been 9 years since I left this place and it’s been 8 years since I last visited it. For those years, the memories come very rarely. Unexpectedly, one morning on my way to work, the "colorum" fx I was on, take a detour to avoid the traffic law enforcers chasing here and there. It happened to pass by Sta. Mesa, in "bagong tulay" as commonly known. Going on, I had a glimpse of that familiar cluster of 7-storey buildings all painted in white. The towering wall barricading the place was not enough to hold back the outpour of the neglected memories.I can feel my chest constricted from the assault of nostalgia.

           The four years of happy-sad memories felt so recent and real I almost broke into tears. The place had been my little paradise, if there’s one in this world. The stink of the cool gust of wind I got used to over the years, emanating from the pasig river,  the jolting sound of the train passing by the place every now and then, the buzz-like sound of our voices praying the rosary and angelus in unison. I can imagine myself looking through the window, snooping down the chaotic shanties nearby. The sweat and exhaustion of Sunday jogging, and the melodious singing during song practice on Saturdays and Wednesdays. An overwhelming feeling it was that I was earnestly wishing to freeze that moment, hoping we ‘re trapped in the morning traffic, even. But to no avail, it was a smooth flow, just when least expected. I had to avert my gaze as the image gets smaller and smaller eventually fading into oblivion, a time for me to awoke from an isolated reverie.

HEAR WHAT I DON’T SAY

HEAR WHAT I DON’T SAY

-NYLAZZIR-

SEP 10, 2012

　

The world has fallen on me today

Some fated time, one fateful day

The bitter taste and twinge of nay

Which pain it bore I dare not say

　

You passed by me and looked my way

And asked me then if I’m okay

I am alright - I guess - I’ll be

You never tried to look through me

　

I stretch my lips into a grin

While in my throat a lump of pain

The hollow sound of laugh I fend

Ease not the tightening in my chest

　

My face, devoid of anything

My voice, bereft of usual glint

A different story, my eyes did tell

If only you hear what I didn’t say.

FOR A FRIEND

 FOR A FRIEND

-NYLAZZIR-

6-21-2011

　Just like the footprints

Embedded in the sands of time

Which fits no one else

But the foot in it has trod

One friend has it been

In this journey of my life

Whose mark she leaves has stayed

Apart from everyone

Someone who showed she cared

When I felt so all-alone

That should be reason enough

To thank her just one time

I know the journey was long

In which we have traveled

Most part of it was difficult

But she patiently understood

Even now that we part our ways

Those happy-sad memories I would keep

And on her special day as always

May life give her the happiness she deserves.

A FRIEND

A FRIEND

-NYLAZZIR-

08-05-2011

                                                             Good or bad days may it be

You’ll always have a friend in me

The love in which you may not see

Deep down my heart you hold the key

　

Reach out my hand and I will stay

Call out my name and I’ll be there

No matter how distant we had become

A simple care abridge the gap

　

All memories we did create

Will always have a special place

So when one day and you forgot

I will make you remember

　

Create in you more good being

A wish I have on your special day

And grant you much happiness

As one of life’s essential gifts

　

Embrace whatever life has to give

As you advance another year

Most of it all may the love you share

Comes back to you in hundred fold

THE MIRROR SAYS NOT ALL

THE MIRROR SAYS NOT ALL

-NYLAZZIR-

AUG 31, 2012

　

　

　

You are such a darling

A precious little one

Created in God’s image

His divine perfect plan

Girl dear, you are pretty

Bear that on your mind

Whatever all are seeing

The mirror says not all

You are a masterpiece

A priceless work of art

Of that one greatest artist

The world has ever had

Your laboured fruit of talent

The world would never trust

The people’s thoughtless tattle

Is not the only judge.

LIFE’S GOING

LIFE’S GOING

-NYLAZZIR-

SEP 03, 2012

　

　

Sun rising

Wind blowing

Trees swaying

Kids playing

Rain pouring

Lightning striking

Glasses breaking

Friends parting

Dawn’s breaking

Birds chirping

Flowers blooming

Girls dancing

Rivers flowing

Sands refining

Fire burning

Choir singing

Night’s freezing

Stars gleaming

Moon hiding

Lovers kissing

Seas surging

Brooks drying

Rainbow’s glinting

People toiling

Thunder roaring

Grasses growing

Skies blurring

Mothers mourning.

Sun setting

Dusk’s coming

Leaves falling

Elders ruing.

TRUE LOVE

TRUE LOVE

-NYLAZZIR-

　

The stars spell out your name so I can’t

Forget you. Even in the night

Your memory comes to me.

Rain falls, till I remember you. And it

Seems hard for me to forget you,

Like the sun sets in the afternoon.

Until now, I never forget you,

coz here in my heart

there’ll always be you.

Even how hard I try, the truth brings

Tears in my eyes, now that I’m alone,

Because you’ve left me.

Lonely days I’ve spent without your smile

This memory I keep

Will remain forever

Oh when the rain sets in,

The river of tears begin

Flowing in my eyes

Venting out my wrath

For those wasted years

Injured my naïve heart

Erase that ugly mark if you must

To make me forget the past

and I’ll be happy again

FRIEND OF MINE

FRIEND OF MINE

-NYLAZZIR-

　

　

For the years of search I made and the

long years I’ve waited for my

so called friend

Relief of doubts rushes my mind,

Echoing voices arise within

If this friendship would last

I’ve done everything just to please you,

Taking all the pains it caused

To show that I care.

Edge of melancholy, surge me through

As you take me for granted;

Unconsciously crushing my heart.

Never would I let such feeling

Break the bond of friendship

We’ve cherished together

Despite the shortcomings and misgivings

This friendship take. It can never be carried

By the waves of circumstances　

Of all the friends I’ve met

It’s you who brought sunshine

On my dim world.　

Friend, hope you’ll never taint

The crystal trust I have in you

‘coz when it happens,I don’t know what it brings　

My only hope in time sof trouble

Is your loving concern to cheer me up

With your shoulder for me to cry on

In those times I almost surrender

You made me realize

I still have you.

No matter how charged with pain the scroll

Of friendship sends, I’ll hold onto it

And hope for happiness

Ease out my pain, remove the thorns of

Hatred in my heart.

That’s my plea my dear friend.

TIME AWAITS NO ONE

TIME AWAITS NO ONE

-NYLAZZIR-

AUG 28,2012

　
　

Woke up one day, live through the day

Picked up some pieces of yesterday

The sky, a blend of blue and gray

Creating chaos, on road astray

　

For few decades in life I lived

Those precious time has gone to waste

Wishes and dreams are unfulfilled

Some random thoughts and love unshared.

　

Often a time when I am hurt

I lock myself in my own maze

I ought to know the world won’t wait

Whirling unceasingly on it’s orbit.

　

Bizarre dream I had one night

When everything in fast-forward

In just a snap all is up

No time for me to press rewind.

The image left when all has fade

An old woman, her skin, wrinkled

Streaks of white in braided hair

Deep-sunken eyes mirrored regret.

　
                              Yes! That was me when I get old

When f’nally life has unfold

Time is something I keep no hold

Watching my life come to a halt.

　
                                                            Two options it did define

Take or leave it, the choice is mine

Neither can pause nor buy more time

Because time awaits no one.

THE CHILD I NEVER WAS

THE CHILD I NEVER WAS

-NYLAZZIR-

Aug 2012

She was a bubbly little girl

Who charmed the crowd with toothless grin

Wearing a crown, holding a scepter

You only see in fairy tale

She was indeed a sight to behold

Her big round eyes they all adored

Her pretty dress is well adorned

Like barbie dolls displayed in stores

She was well-loved by kids her age

Boys and girls are all her friends

Those plenty toys are all in sets

The talking doll her favorite

In every place, playground or school

She always felt like she belonged

Her trolley bag, the shoes she wore

And ribbon lace matched in color

The special day of her birthday

There were guests to spend it with

The gifts assured, candle and cake

A precious time to make a wish

How wonderful a life it was

With all the love that she could have

That made her be a happy child

A child I never was.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER

-NYLAZZIR-

8-12-2012

　

If I had my life to live over

I would have listened to bedtime stories

‘Bout that classic fairytales

And know some heroes-heroines

From that kiddie disney craze

If I had my life to live over

I would have played

That physically draining outdoor games

And feel the thrilling blood-rush

Of that far-off childish fights

If I had my life to live over

I would have not let those little bullies

Belittle me in any way

Give them a dose of their own medicine

Tit for tat, so they say

If I had my life to live over

I would have lavishly smiled

To each and every people that I meet

And laughed loosely

To that old funny jokes

　

If I had my life to live over

I would have played under the pouring rain

Unmindful of catching a cold

And would have flown a kite

On windy summer days.

 

If I had my life to live over

I would have enjoyed the enchanting rides

In the rowdy amusement park

And catch those flickering firefly

That looks like city lights at night

　

If I had my life to live over

I would have written more poems

Much to my hearts content

And memorize the lyrics of a song

So I would have not sung

the same line over and over

　

If I had my life to live over

I would have gone places

And set my foot on those natures miracles

Instead of looking awe-stricken

By it’s picture-perfect stilled image

LEAVES FALLING

LEAVES FALLING

-NYLAZZIR-

8-12-2012

Leaves falling from the old acacia tree

As it swayed harmoniously

To the warm gust of wind blowing

One sunny afternoon

I sit on the concrete bench

‘Round that so-familiar plant box

It unfolds the unruly rush

Of bittersweet high-school memories.

The love that I had

That warmed my lonely heart

The serenity in there I felt

That made me smile inside

The rustling sound of the leaves

Dancing in slow harmony

Reminds me of the old song

No lyrics yet attunes.

Many a year has came and went

Most memories it did take

Everything that I hold dear

Slowly slipping from my grip

Another day, years from now

Would I still be able to sit here?

And write about the pristine beauty

Of the place I once called home?

IT’S NOT HATE….IT’S INDIFFERENCE.

IT’S NOT HATE….IT’S INDIFFERENCE.

-NYLAZZZIR-

8-12-2012

　

　

You came and like the sunshine

Casting warm glances at everyone

Throwing honeyed-smile

Your hand, a gesture of amiability

　

You might have not noticed

What one would have felt

When you walk past behind her

Like she’s a no-known stranger.

　

Better yet, give her

that weary look she used to hate

Rather than that edged

chill of indifference.

　

Because the worst thing

you could give someone

Is not hate, pain or neglect,

But irreparable taste of indifference.

WHAT MAKES YOU BETTER THAN ME? TELL ME!

WHAT MAKES YOU BETTER THAN ME? TELL ME!

-NYLAZZZIR-

8-2-2012

　

Who are you to treat me like you do

You make me feel like

The lowest from of creature

On this earth ever lived.

　

Money, intellect and power you may have more of

But does it make you any better than any one?

If you think of your lowly people

A good-for-nothing loafer?

　

Tell me who deemed you the man or the judge

Of a person’s worth, what he is made up

If God Himself judges not

The creation of His own good hands

　

Hopefully you can get past

All the hurts you’re spitting out

And learn that there’s more to life

Than your unfounded plight

　

So again I must ask you

Me, who is your rueful casualty

What makes you better than me?

Suit yourself and tell me!