point of saturation.

I am alright... and well almost. I thought it could have been a start of something beautiful, of something happy. But if so, then what?, few of the may questions  I could have had answered on my own, but are opposed by that bitter truth that that's -all -there -is- in-it. And I think I just got to the point of saturation. I'm really, really tired of the way things have been going. That's it. I'm done. I am fed up.

Bucketlist (..continued)..

Open myself up to love:
It's long over due actually.. 'been putting it off for sometime because of priority issues.  but now I found myslef in a rush trying not  to let another chance to slip by..

Do a lot of writing :
I wish I could write more...just about anything.  Write about what I hate, what I love, or anything of my interest. This is actually associated with my plans to take up crash course in creative writing.

Spend more money on myself without feeling guilty :
I am the kind who as much as possible would not spend much on wardrobe, cosmetics and other vanity kit. And more often  than  not, I'd have to deal with shopping guilt..after the shopping spree. Now I I think about it, it's not a mortal sin to enjoy spending some amount that I've work hard for, afterall I've never failed providing for my family for years. I also need pampering, and there's no one else who'll do it for me but myself..

..re-direct if needed

 I got so caught up with a handicap that paralyzes me from accomplishing anything in my life-- if only I could  break the barriers of disbeliefs and negativities I've placed upon  myself . ... I think I need to spend some time reflecting on what I really want out of a career, out of life and moving forward from there.

..it's not too late to learn something stupid!

Now that I think about it, it seems like I've been getting a lot of reminder these days. I am 26 years old and in a few more days, I'll be another year older but I barely accomplished anything in my life. Insecurities holding me back from living out of the box I stagnate in. Only a few from my bucketlist have I attained., a lot more to go.
Boredom getting on me that I am considering that nagging thought of doing something stupid--for once in my life. I remember the pasage I've read somewhere, "you're not too old to learn something stupid."  I've been used to living my life my way-- monotonous and boring!. that   I have the tendency of crawling back to my shell whenever something is getting so out of my league. And I question myself, have I really lived my life to the fullest, or I just let it slip by.

Bucketlist 1

From a tent at a bay--watch the sunset and capture that precious moment when the velvety sky turns into an orange hue, slowly turning into gray and eventually vanished into darkness. Then stargazing at night, counting that thousands of stars 'til it lulled me to sleep. Then at dawn, just before the day broke, to savor that momentous rising of the golden sun-- that happening in a single day. I wonder when would this happen but I will-- definitely! be it with someone or me myself and I.

..came and went!

Hokay... so valentines came and went. I was once again reminded that I have been spending it alone, for the past 26 years.. well atleast 15 years (since I became a teen). Girls carrying bouquet of flowers, chocolates and stuff here and there.  Couples getting mushy that would make me sigh, sometimes smirk when it gets too OA. Not that I'm sour graping.. okay, a little. LOL! And as if adding a grain of salt to the fresh wound, are the careless teasing of my office colleagues. I didn't take it seriously though, I did not get offended but it made mo hate that day more..whoever have said that there has to be a boyfriend to celebrate it with?.. it can be spent with family and friends anyway. now who am I trying to convince here. ..lol.